


til we close our eyes for good

by snufflyphoenix



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Basically Roland is really important and this fic is entirely people being sad about Roland, Cuddling, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Cuddling, Major Character Injury, Missing Scene, Post Borderlands 2, Sharing a Bed, and people not being able to process emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:56:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7066120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snufflyphoenix/pseuds/snufflyphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanctuary was quiet as Brick helped Mordecai and Lilith through the door of the headquarters. The newer generation of Vault Hunters had arrived back shortly before the trio had, and word had spread - Handsome Jack was dead, the Vault had been found and, in the process, hundreds of new Vaults had been discovered. It was almost as if all of Pandora was taking a moment to absorb what had happened, and honestly, in this moment Lilith could not have been more grateful for the momentary stillness. Usually this sort of silence made her itchy and restless, constantly on edge for something to happen, but right now she was exhausted and she just wanted to lie down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lilith

Sanctuary was quiet as Brick helped Mordecai and Lilith through the door of the headquarters. The newer generation of Vault Hunters had arrived back shortly before the trio had, and word had spread - Handsome Jack was dead, the Vault had been found and, in the process, hundreds of new Vaults had been discovered. It was almost as if all of Pandora was taking a moment to absorb what had happened, and honestly, in this moment Lilith could not have been more grateful for the momentary stillness. Usually this sort of silence made her itchy and restless, constantly on edge for something to happen, but right now she was exhausted and she just wanted to lie down.

Brick paused just inside the door, contemplating the stairway. “I’m gonna have to do this one at a time, there’s no way I’m gettin’ you both up without knockin’ one of you on something.” He frowned.

“I could Phasewalk up there?” Lilith suggested, although the thought of Phasewalking in her current state made her stomach turn. With the amount of Eridium that had been coursing through her for the last 10 days having been cut so suddenly, she was coming down fast and she was starting to feel very weak.

“Lil, if you even think about pullin’ your vanishin’ act on us, I’ll kick your ass all the way to Elpis.” Mordecai’s face had a slightly grey hue to it as he spoke, his speech low and quiet. The man had taken a fair few knocks during their assault on Hero’s Pass, to say the least, and he’d been about ready to collapse for a while now. If it hadn’t been for Brick, he probably would not be standing with them right now and all three of them were acutely aware of this.

“You’re kidding yourself if you think you can kick my ass to Marrowfields.” She made an attempt at a grin at her friend, although it appeared more like a grimace as a wave of nausea washed over her.

Mordecai snorted weakly before setting himself off coughing, doubling over. Brick’s grip on him tightened and he frowned, making a mental note to mention the coughing to Dr Zed when he went to fetch him. “Lil, I’m gonna get this one situated then I’ll come back for you, okay?”

Lilith nodded, ducking out of Brick’s grip to sit herself down on Tannis’ desk chair. “I’ll be here.” She said, in an attempt to appear nonchalant.

Brick’s frown didn’t dissipate but he nodded slightly, touching her shoulder with his free hand lightly on his way past her up the stairs. She knew he was worried about her, she was worried about her, but she wasn’t going to let him see quite how bad she was. Not yet. They had more pressing issues, they had to deal with the fallout of Hero’s Pass, they had to plan, they had to decide what to do about these new Vaults, they had to… Her thoughts trailed off as she caught sight of one of the many Crimson Raiders recruitment posters that were hung up around Santuary. Roland stood in the centre; strong, commanding, unsmiling and glorious. Her heart in her throat, she stood unsteadily and made her way over to the poster plastered to the wall in front of her.

He looks better without a gaping hole in his chest, she thought bitterly, wrapping her arms around herself as she approached the poster. She had wept for him, had yelled herself hoarse in his name while trapped by Jack’s control collar and now she just felt hollow. Roland’s absence weighed heavy on her, a survivor’s guilt she couldn’t shake and she felt tears pricking at her eyes as she met his in the poster, the tears evaporating before they hit her cheeks.

Fucking hell, she missed him.

The scenario had been playing itself over and over in her head for days now - Angel’s death, Roland’s tired but triumphant last words of how he was going to take down Jack, the gunshot, her boyfriend’s insides splattered across the Vault Hunter’s face. She shuddered, closing her eyes against the mental image. They had all seen a lot of horrific things in their time, but this was on another level. This was so vividly impressed upon her brain she was convinced that she would never be able to unsee it, that every time she slept she would be woken by the nightmare of Roland’s face at the moment of his death and the fact that she did absolutely nothing to stop it. The rational part of her brain told her that she couldn’t have stopped it, that Jack had fired that damned gun as soon as he had teleported in, but still she believed that there must have been something that she could have done.

Damn Roland and his noble sensibilities, surely the Vault Hunters could have managed to free Angel themselves, there was six of them and only one of him. And now he was dead because he’d had to play the hero and help save Angel, and now she was all alone. Fuck, she wanted to be angry with him. She wanted to be able to blame him for being there, she wanted to be able to say it was because he hadn’t been careful enough, but it had all been Jack. Jack had broken the rules, Jack had been where he wasn’t supposed to have been and he’d shot Roland in the back, like a coward. Melting Jack’s face into the ground had been satisfying in a way that frightened her, but whoever said that revenge was sweet sure as hell wasn’t lying.

The world seeming to swim in her vision for a moment, Lilith lowered herself to the floor, drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She raised her head to look up at the poster, unable to stop the helpless sob that escaped her before burying her face in her knees, her tears now coming faster. She had never felt more pathetic. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and she wanted it all to stop, just for a moment so she could catch her breath. She knew she had a job to do, but she couldn’t bring herself to be Commander. Not now, not like this. All she wanted was for Roland to gather her up in his arms and tell her it was going to be okay, to take her away from all of this, from this godforsaken planet, from Hyperion and for once in their lives they wouldn’t have to fight. She wasn’t sure if such a place existed, but what she wouldn’t give in this moment to find out.

“Lil?”

Lilith started at the sound of Brick’s voice, wiping her eyes quickly as she turned to look at him. “Yeah?” She asked, her voice shaking slightly. There was little point in pretending she hadn’t been crying, he knew her better than that.

Brick didn’t say anything. Instead, he knelt down next to her and pulled her into a tight embrace, and Lilith couldn’t help but sink into his arms. Burying her face in his chest, her body shook as she tried to hold back her sobs. Brick lowered his head, closing his eyes. They had all had to be strong for so long, it was only par for the course that they would eventually reach a breaking point. After a minute or two of just holding her, and her shudders slowly subsiding, he spoke up quietly. “Lil... You don’t have to pretend you’re not hurtin’. We all are.”

Lilith’s still unsteady voice came muffled from where she was still huddled against his chest. “It’s different, he-… I loved him.”

“I know.” He said, being as gentle as he could as he slowly stood, picking Lilith up with him as he went. “…we all did. Roland was the best of us.”

Lilith made a small noise of agreement, clinging tighter onto him as they ascended the stairs. Roland was the best of them. He had been the most honourable person on Pandora. He had never made a single decision as the head of the Crimson Raiders without first thinking of the impact it might have on civilians, and doing whatever he could to protect them. He hadn’t deserved to die.

Carrying Lilith through to the dorm room, Brick went over to the spare lower bunk to set her down. On realising she was being put down, she raised her head from his chest and promptly phased out of his arms onto the floor, looking at her friend with an anguished expression when she rematerialized. Brick, who had momentarily panicked when she had vanished from his arms, turned to berate her.

“What the hell, Lilith?!” He exclaimed, his irritation clear in his voice. “What did we say about phasewalking?!”

“That’s Roland’s bed!” She stared at him from the floor with obvious anger in her eyes.

Brick shared a brief look with Mordecai, who was curled up on his side on the other bunk bed. Roland may have slept there last the last time he was here, but he certainly hadn’t been the last person to sleep there. They only had limited sleeping space at headquarters, so the Vault Hunters would sleep wherever there was space. Brick was fairly sure the last person to sleep there had been Gaige, but he wasn’t sure telling Lilith that would help with anything other than making her more angry.

“C’mere, Lil,” Mordecai said quietly after a moment, shuffling backwards slightly so there was room on the bed for her, “you don’t have to sleep there.”

Brick shook his head to himself as Lilith slowly got up and cuddled up to Mordecai, leaving the room to head out to the balcony. Mordecai carefully put an arm around her, letting out a slight huff of pain as he moved. Lilith frowned slightly at him, trying not to move too much so as not to hurt him. “I’m fine.” He insisted in a mumble, closing his eyes again.

“You’re an idiot.” She said a tad tensely, still fuming at Brick. What was he thinking, suggesting she sleep in her dead boyfriend’s bunk? Did the man have even an inch of consideration in him? She huffed, crossing her arms across herself.

Mordecai was quiet again for a while, his breathing level enough that Lilith would think he was asleep save for the occasional sharp intakes of breath at a shoot of pain. “…He’s just worried about you.” He murmured eventually. Lilith’s indignation almost radiating off her, he had to say something. “He wants you to be able to rest the best you can, he didn’ think— “

“Well, that’s obvious,” Lilith said quietly and pettily, “How does Brick think I’d be able to relax in that bed? Does he even care— “

“You know he does,” Mordecai said sharply, startling her slightly, “he carried us both back from Hero Pass while injured himself, you know you know he cares.”

Lilith did know. She knew blaming Brick for trying to put her somewhere safe was stupid, but she was tired, injured and grieving, so reasonable wasn’t really part of her vocabulary right now. She sighed, settling back against Mordecai, who knew he had won that brief hand. “I’m just not ready to pretend I’m okay with everything that has happened.” She admitted, closing her own eyes as she gently took his hand in hers.

“No one is goin’ to make you, amiga.” He gave her hand a very light squeeze. “…you’re not alone, Lil. We’re not goin’ anywhere.”

She squeezed his hand back. “If either of you die on me too, I’m going to kill you.”

Mordecai snorted slightly, nudging her leg with his knee. “Go to sleep, Lilly.” He said as firmly as his exhausted brain could manage, “You’re keepin’ me up past my bedtime.”

Lilith smiled weakly at her friend, shaking her head before trying to settle down. If she woke with a nightmare, Mordecai would be there and she knew Brick would be close. It didn’t bring Roland back - she could tell the ache in her chest caused by his absence would be there for the foreseeable future, but with them here, maybe she would, in time, be able to move forwards and finish the work Roland had started.

Maybe she wasn’t quite as alone as she felt.


	2. Mordecai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Mordecai's turn to grieve.

Mordecai lay next to Lilith, feeling her breathing slow down and even out as she fell asleep. She must be exhausted, he figured as he sighed quietly, trying in vain to get comfortable. Every bone and muscle screamed at him as he shifted and he frowned against the pain, taking in breath sharply. He was drained, and he was sure were it not for the frequent shoots of pain that ran through his body that this was what it felt like to be dead. Aside from his pain, his mind was unsettlingly blank. This was not an unfamiliar feeling of late, but he was acutely aware of it in this moment. It was the quiet after the storm - Lilith asleep next to him, Brick on the balcony, out of sight from the bunk, and two distinct absences that made his mind go numb. 

He had been grieving longer than Brick and Lilith. His grief had begun at the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve and had not gone away since. He knew that neither of them understood - they tried, he knew that, but they had never had the same relationship with Bloodwing as he had. They sympathised with him because they were his friends, or at least they tried to, but they would never know how he felt. Blood had been with him for so long, it felt like he was missing an arm now that she was gone. 

Initially his grief had turned to rage - Bloodwing’s destruction had pushed him over the edge and he had unleashed his fury on the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve, shooting anything that moved that wasn’t the Vault Hunters, although even that had been briefly tempting. He had never wanted vengeance so much in his life. It wasn’t just Bloodwing’s death that fueled him, it was the cruelty with which she had been treated and the torture which she had endured, all because she had been his companion. But she had been more than just his companion, and that was why she had been taken from him. She had been his friend, and his family, and Jack had known that and exploited it to try to break him. Well, more fool Jack. All it had done was solidify his desire to see Jack fall, and the rest of Hyperion with him. He only wished he’d been there for Jack’s death, or been able to contribute in a more hands-on way.

He lay in the quiet for a while, Lilith's steadying breathing lulling him into an almost doze but try as he might, he couldn't fall asleep. Every breath he took hurt, every centimetre he moved made his injuries flare up and he had to restrain himself from swearing and waking Lilith up. She’d been through enough today without him disturbing her from her much needed sleep. He knew that he also needed rest, or at least that’s what Brick had told him and he wasn’t in a position to argue, but right now that just felt next to impossible when everything hurt so much. He felt itchy and restless, and he wanted to be doing something, even though the battle was now won. It just didn't feel like enough. 

There was no point staying in bed when he couldn’t sleep, he reasoned, and he started to push himself upright when a sudden spasm in his side forced him to lie back down with a loud hiss of pain. For fucks sake, he couldn't even sit up without help. It was a good job Jack was already thresher food, because Mordecai would be pretty useless against him or his Loaders right now. He wasn't sure if he’d be able to deal with not being able to help, not after how much Jack had taken from him. 

A quiet noise of protest drew Mordecai away from his thoughts.

“Mordy..?” Lilith had woken at the sound of his pain. She cracked an eye open slightly, rolling over slightly to look at him. “...y’okay?”

He let out a sigh, closing his eyes. “... never better.” 

“Don’t lie to me.” She scowled slightly at her friend, rolling fully onto her side to face him as she woke up. 

“What do you want me to say?” Mordecai said somewhat snappishly. He didn't know what Lilith wanted from him - he was tired, he was in pain and he wanted to die, what more was there to talk about? Granted, he hadn't talked to her or Brick about the last one, but that wasn't the point. 

Lilith just looked at him, still frowning. “Stop being a dick, you woke me up.” 

“Well, forgive me.” He said sarcastically, opening his eyes to look at her. “I’ll just unbreak my ribs and stop makin’ so much noise whenever I move. I’m sorry for inconveniencin’ you so much.”

“You’re such an asshole.” She muttered, shoving his arm lightly as she settled back down. If he wasn’t going to talk, she wasn’t going to try to make him. Still, she didn’t want to just leave it there. After a minute of tense silence, she spoke again quietly. “I don’t care if you make noise, you’re hurt. And I’m worried about you.” 

Mordecai didn’t know what to say to that. He closed his eyes again, exhaling slowly. He did know that she cared, really. He just had trouble accepting it, especially right now. He was having trouble with reality and Lilith being so unusually, well…, nice threw him. He reasoned that it was just because she was exhausted but he certainly wasn’t about to discourage her, even if it was weird. “...I’ll be fine.” He said eventually.

“You’d better be.” She grumbled, but shot him a small smile. “...We have to stick together.”

And her smile was sad again. He had heard her crying downstairs when Brick was settling him in bed, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to cope if she started again. He had been fighting tears since they had arrived back in Sanctuary and he didn’t trust himself not to start crying if she did. 

“...I just thought it would feel better.” He said quietly, keeping his eyes closed to save himself from looking at her. “I guess I thought that once we’d killed Jack that… I dunno, it would stop hurtin’ so bad.”

“I don’t think it’s ever going to stop hurting.” Lilith said, her voice wavering slightly. She watched Mordecai carefully, gently reaching for his hand. She entwined their fingers, and squeezed gently.   
There was another minute of quiet, Lilith’s words sinking in slowly. She was right, Mordecai reasoned. It never would. His hope that exacting vengeance would somehow make it all better had been a naive fantasy - it wouldn’t bring Bloodwing and Roland back, so how could it? Knowing that the man who had caused him and his friends so much pain couldn’t hurt anyone else ever again was somewhat satisfying but the satisfaction was hollow and short lived, and lying in bed unable to do anything but think he was acutely aware of this. 

“...so we don’t stop until we’ve wiped all trace of Hyperion from the map, right?” He said, turning his head slightly to look at Lilith. 

She met his eyes, a look of steely determination appearing on her face as she nodded once. “We make them pay.”

Mordecai smiled slightly in spite of himself, before pressing a light kiss to her forehead. There was the Lilith he recognised. “That’s my girl. We’ll make them wish they’d never come knockin’ on our door.”

He watched as Lilith smiled slightly in return, squeezed his hand again and closed her eyes before settling back down to go back to sleep. At least they would not be idle in their grief, he thought as he closed his eyes again. They could make plans, they could keep moving. He wasn’t sure what he would do if they didn’t. But things would be okay, they could work through this, and they would come out stronger. Roland wouldn’t have wanted them to quit, and he just knew Bloodwing would be pissed if she could see him like this. So they would survive, and they would keep going and-- 

“Did you hear that?” 

Lilith had sat up, and was looking out towards the Mission Control room. She turned back to Mordecai with a questioning look. 

“Sounded like somethin’ fallin’.” He frowned, pushing himself up with a low grunt of pain. Lilith was now up, offering an arm out to Mordecai to help him stand. He took it grudgingly, and grabbed a revolver from the side with his free hand. 

Slowly they made their way towards Control, Mordecai trying as hard as he could to stay upright while holding onto Lilith. Whatever the noise was, it couldn’t be good. Just inside the door, Mordecai tripped, Lilith only just catching him from falling straight down. 

“The fuck was that?” Mordecai wheezed slightly, glaring down at the offending object as he brought his goggles back down to see it. “..is that part of the ceiling?” He’d known HQ could use some TLC since they’d been hit by the moonshot and then teleported but, really?

Lilith looked down at the floor, then up to see a gaping hole in the roof. She frowned deeply, continuing to guide Mordecai through the room towards the balcony from which noises that were sounding more and more like sobbing were emerging. 

“...Brick?” She asked hesitantly to the shaking back of the enormous man. She let go of Mordecai who sat himself down on the floor just on the balcony, and went over to touch his arm. “Brick, are you okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay between chapters, I aim to have Chapter 3 up faster than this one. Only Brick left to go now - hold onto your hats!


	3. Brick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Brick needs some help too.

Brick turned to his friends, his tears creating clean streaks down through the grime on his face. He hadn’t meant for this to happen, he hadn’t meant to let them see him like this. He’d thought they were asleep or he wouldn’t have given in to himself. He dragged his palm across his face to try and wipe away his tears but they just kept falling. He sniffed loudly, looking away from them. “Sorry. … I’ll fix the ceilin’.”

Mordecai frowned up at him from where he was sat, a look of almost confusion on his face. “Are you cryin’?”

“...little bit.” Brick sniffed again, trying not to start bawling again. That was what had drawn Lilith and Mordecai out in the first place. Besides… “You two should be in bed.” 

It was Lilith’s turn to frown now and she braced herself against the half wall of the balcony, looking up at Brick. “What, and just leave you out here?” 

“I’m fine.” Brick insisted. Maybe if he was persistent enough they’d believe him and go back to bed, and leave him to his misery in solitude. “Go back to bed.”

“Brick, we’re not stupid. You’re crying and you punched a wall so hard the ceiling caved in.” Lilith looked at him seriously. “You know you can talk to us, right?” 

And how Brick wished that were true. He knew she meant well, he knew she was trying, but the truth of it was that not one of his friends had ever truly been there for him before when he’d needed them, outside of the battlefield. He knew that they thought he was stupid and mindless, that he was a bloodthirsty brute and that he was unaffected by the constant violence that permeated their lives. He was just better at hiding it than they often were. He had become so used to the image that everyone had expected him to present his whole life, that it was difficult now to undo that. 

Not that Brick was unhappy with his image. Having the physical presence that he had was certainly a help on Pandora, and was one of the things that allowed him to command his bandit clan with such authority. Being able to intimidate an enemy from afar was useful, until it meant that your friends took this to mean that your brains are in your biceps.

“Sure, Lil.” He said eventually, not sounding convinced to anyone’s ears. He didn’t want to start a fight, not now. They were splintered and fractured enough without them fighting amongst themselves because of Brick’s feelings. “I’m gonna go find Zed. Need to get you two patched up.”

“What about you?” Mordecai squinted at his friend from the floor. 

“What about me?” Brick returned, looking down at Mordecai. 

Mordecai scowled at him. “Don’ be stupid, I know you got hurt at Heroes Pass and you just punched a fuckin’ wall.”

“‘snot important right now.” Brick leant down to help Mordecai up, with every intention to deposit him and Lilith back in bed before he left. He didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Bullshit it’s not important.” Mordecai shifted out of Brick’s reach, yelping in pain as he moved. “Listen-” He started.

“No, you listen.” Brick said firmly, reaching for him again. “I said it’s not important. I need to get you both inside.”

Lilith pushed herself forwards, frowning deeply at Brick. “Brick, we’re just worried about you-”

“Yeah, well, you don’ get to be!” Brick snapped, shooting Lilith a look that had her stopping in her tracks.

Mordecai and Lilith shared a look of confusion and Brick sat back, clenching his jaw as he tried to keep his temper in line.

“You don’ get to be worried about me. You never worried about me, and I’ve been banged up worse than this before. Just.. Just let me get on with this, and get you both situated an’ safe an’ then I can worry about me. Nothin’s changed, ‘cept we’re a man down.” Brick’s voice shook as he spoke, refusing to look at either of them. “You don’ get to pretend to care about the wellbeing of the human bulldozer all of a sudden.”

Mordecai frowned deeply at his friend. “You do know that’s not true though, right, amigo? … you know we care.”

“Do you?” Brick asked, sure he knew the answer as he glared at the floor. “I can’ remember the last time someone checked on me. You all act like none of this affects me, but how could it not? I go through the same shit you do, an’ no one has ever checked to make sure I’m not slowly losin’ my mind over here!”

Lilith looked at the floor herself, feeling her cheeks heat up slightly in shame. Brick looked up at her, an odd expression on his face. “Or maybe you all just assumed I already had, so no need to bother?”

Mordecai shook his head ever so slightly. “Brick, we never asked cos you always seemed fine! When we need help it’s pretty fuckin’ obvious - we’re trainwrecks - but you never-” 

“Or maybe you just never noticed. What about Roland? The guy was a stoic badass, but you would check in with hi-”

Lilith’s head shot up, her eyes glowing slightly in anger. “Don’t you dare bring him up to back up your point that we’re assholes, don’t you fucking dare!”

“Well, it’s true!” Brick shot back. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll drop it! But you can’ pretend that the reason you never check on me is cos I don’ show I’m upset, when Roland never did either an’-” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “No one came for me, did they?”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the trio as Brick looked between the both of them. “...I was in that Hyperion prison for months, and I kept thinkin’ ‘They’ll be here soon, they’ll be makin’ a plan and they’ll come and get me out of here.’. But you never did. What, did you figure I could hack it? Just hang in there and eventually they’d get bored? You never even tried to send anyone.”

“We thought you would be okay. You’re a big guy, and it’s not like you have a low pain tolerance.” Lilith frowned deeply at him, despite her cheeks only growing redder with embarrassment. “And we were a bit busy, trying to get Sanctuary safe for all of the evacuees-”

Brick shook his head. “Whatever lets you sleep at night, Lil.”

And now she looked outraged. Mordecai sighed heavily, shaking his head at her. “Lilith, don’t do it-”

“Of course we wanted to come and get you! Do you have any idea how long we spent trying to figure out where they were keeping you with the fuck all we had in the way of resources after New Haven, all while trying to set up a new home and a new base camp?!” Her eyes glowed dangerously as she glowered at Brick. “We had no clue where you were, and that almost killed us. We spent so much time trying-- You have no idea.” She finished, obviously fuming.

“No, I don’. I was a bit busy bein’ locked up, sorry about that.” Brick said sarcastically before shaking his head. “I don’ wanna have this fight now.” 

“Well, tough, because we’re fucking doing this!” Lilith crossed her arms, and took a step forwards only to find herself suddenly dizzy and she sank back against the wall of the balcony, looking pale and going quiet. 

Brick looked over at her, the anger in his eyes having turned to sadness. “Look at us. We ain’ in no position to fight. Just.. Go back inside. I’ll get Zed, let’s just forget I said anythin’.”

“No.” Mordecai said insistently, glancing briefly at Lilith before looking back to Brick. “You’re right. We don’ ask you how you are, and that’s shitty, so we’ll start askin’. ...You doin’ okay?”

Brick couldn’t help but snort slightly at that. “No. I’m doin’ shit. Thanks for askin’.”

Mordecai quirked a small smile back, tilting his head slightly to encourage his friend to continue. 

“I..” Brick started, struggling for words. He stood back up. “I don’ know what to do now. Roland.. Roland held shit down around here, he ran this ship, we killed the motherfucker who shot him but it’s not better. Roland’s still dead, Bloodwing’s still dead, and over these last 7 years I killed so many people I don’ think I got any chance of redeeming myself.”

“You did rip a man’s skull out of his face.” Lilith said quietly from the corner, looking up at Brick from where she supported herself on the balcony.

Brick made a frustrated noise. “Shep Sanders sold us out. He sold out New Haven, an’ everyone who lived there, an’ we lost too many people that day. Not to mention he was the reason I was captured and tortured by Hyperion for so long. I lost it when I saw him again, an’ he deserved it. But I musta killed thousands, and a lot of ‘em with my bare hands, an’ that… that weighs on you.” 

“Brick, we’ve all killed a lot of people.” Lilith ran a hand through her tangled hair, her voice heavy. “That’s just what we have to do out here.” 

“Doesn’ mean it don’ bother me.” Brick said, frowning at her. “I know when I go berserk I just.. rampage, I lose it, but that doesn’ mean when I come back to that I feel good about it. I know its survival, but this blood on my hands ain’ ever gonna leave.”

A silence fell over the three of them, only Mordecai’s laboured breath filled the space.

“Brick, man, you saved my life jumpin’ onto that barge.” He spoke quietly after a while, looking up at his friend. “If it weren’t for you, I’d be dust.”

“Yeah, and weren’t you both on your way to get me? The amount of times you’ve risked your life to save other people outweighs the amount of people whose lives you’ve taken.” Lilith said seriously,  
watching Brick carefully. “Doesn’t it? That’s what we’re doing here. Saving people, right?”

Brick stayed quiet for a moment before smiling slightly at her. “We could call it that. New slogan for the Crimson Raiders. ‘Crimson Raiders - we save people.’.”

Mordecai snorted, slowly pushing himself to his feet. “Yeah, good thinking. We’ll get a recruitment drive going.” He coughed heavily in the effort it had taken him to stand, leaning a hand on the barrier next to Lilith.

The quiet that fell this time was much easier, just the three friends looking between each other. Eventually, Brick broke the silence, smiling wryly at the other two. “So. … what now?”

Mordecai shrugged a shoulder slightly. “Yeah - somebody’s gotta deal with all these new Vaults.” He said with a put upon air, shooting Brick a small grin.

“Dibs.”

Lilith blinked then rolled her eyes at Brick, placing a hand on her hip. “You can’t call dibs on hunting hundreds of Vaults.”

Brick’s grin only grew. “Says you.” This was better, he thought. This was easier, back to their normal snarky interactions.

“What you thinkin’, Lil?” Mordecai turned his head towards her, his smile somewhat more relaxed, although it was obvious on his face the effort it was taking to remain upright. 

Lilith straightened up, put an arm around Mordecai’s waist and pulled his arm over her shoulder as she started to help him back inside, Brick following behind them. “I think before we head off to deal with those Vaults, we’ve gotta rebuild. Get a new shield for Sanctuary, wipe Hyperion off the map… and bury our fallen. Jack may be dead, but we’re not done fighting. Not by a long shot.”

Lilith deposited Mordecai back onto his bed, collapsing down beside him with a huff of exertion. Mordecai closed his eyes as he exhaled slowly, shuffling slightly to get comfortable next to Lilith. “I hear ya. What you think, Brick?” He asked, reopening an eye to peek at his friend who had an arm braced against the opposite bunks.

“I think I already called dibs on the Vault hunting.” He grinned slightly at his friends before pushing himself up and heading for the door. “I’m going to get Zed, and if either of you even think of moving I’m locking you in the storage bank.” 

He laughed as he caught sight of Lilith flipping him off before burying her face in Mordecai’s shoulder, heading down the stairs. Maybe they weren’t okay, but maybe they could get there. They would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who's read this, it means so much to me that people have liked it. Sorry this last chapter has taken longer to finish, things have been hectic and Brick is hard to write! Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Essentially this fandom is severely lacking in the original Vault Hunters department (especially on the Lilith/Roland front) so I'm going to attempt to start to fill the void. Next chapter will be Mordecai's perspective, and the third will be Brick's.


End file.
